Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
