I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
