He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
