Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
