I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
