You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize