guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
