I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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