Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
