it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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