Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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