People in love make me want to vomit
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
