Sponge bath it is.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
