I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
