I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
