I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
