I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't deserve a penis
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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