Pappa wants mamma naked
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
