Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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