Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
