going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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