if you like me you must not know who I am
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
