I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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