just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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