I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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