I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have already put on my inside pants.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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