god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Acid is not a monday night drug
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
