He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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