Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
