Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
