Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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