They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
