dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
