The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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