You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize