She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
