I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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