I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
