My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
