bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
