I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
