Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
