Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
