there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I need moral support for this bender
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
