Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
