saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
