question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
