She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
