Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize