Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
