My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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