how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
