how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
