hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
