I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
