I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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