I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
