i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
