hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
