You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
