Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
