They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
