Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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