yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I could make wine with my vomit
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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