Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
