I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize