I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just gift wrapped bread.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
