somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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