I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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