He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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