how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
3 2 1 whiskey
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
