I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
